These past few conferences, I’ve been coming home with the same exact feeling each and every time. It’s a feeling of discontent, like I’m spiraling in the wrong direction with life and the more I let it happen, the harder it will be to come back.
There’s nothing wrong with the retreat itself—that’s always a
peaceful fun time with people that I love to no end. I look forward to these every year, and they’re always unforgettable. No questions there, and this past weekend was no exception.
What gets me is just the fact that conferences always make me think about the things in life that really matter. I think about my church life. I think about the relationships and friendships I’ve established. I think about how I spend my time and how much of an impact I can have on others. It’s thought I don’t have the time or luxury of having too often.
The problem is that these things have taken a backseat in my life. I work in an industry that requires you to be very career-oriented; putting the job as your top priority is a bare necessity. Long hours and weekends are expected with no compensation, and you’re put into situations where you feel obligated to be readily available 24/7, and this leaves very little time for anything else.
I’m someone who puts a lot of value on connections, experiences, individuality, and self-expression. I do my job well, and I dedicate a huge amount of myself for it, but at the end of the day, it will still never be first. I work to support my life; I don’t live to work.
And that might be a problem.
I’m someone who always wants to do more, but all I’ve been doing lately is losing. Losing people, losing opportunities, and losing more of myself with each passing day.